Confronting Fear

I've been reading Stephen King's On Writing, a book I highly recommend. He has lots to say about story and discipline and craft, but this statement really stood out: "Good writing is often about letting go of fear" (121).

I started this blog to track my writing process. However, my posts are almost always about getting back on the horse or recommitting to my goals. Anyone reading this might think I am silly and undisciplined, but the sparseness of this blog--and my lack of significant time spent writing IRL--is more a testament to my fear than anything. I have been writing in small chunks, and what I am writing seems to be good, but my problems seem to be primarily

• fear of confronting my own emotions
• fear of failure
• fear of success
  

Incidentally, these problems are affecting all my life, not just my writing. :)

Thankfully, King's book has inspired me to recommit to my writing. Again. Thankfully, my writing group is very supportive, and I am at least writing enough to bring something in to share every two weeks.

Oh, and last time one of the group members said she was reading George Eliot and was reminded of my writing. Wow.

Poetry

I have been feeling bored with everything I've been reading lately, so I began going through a few of my favorite poems. Then, I went to the university library and checked out a half-dozen poetry books. I have been full of tears lately and really needed the freedom to experience my emotions (I spend so much time on clamping down on them that I eventually have to let them loose, but I have a hard time doing that without some external assistance.)

Anyhow, a line flashed into my head yesterday evening that I REALLY loved. I was at the movies and didn't get home until too late to write, but I got up this morning and wrote three poems. If writing is healing, then poetry is a great way to process emotions. There is no need to tidy everything up in poetry. It is raw and real and exactly what I need right now. I was thinking I may collect my poems into a book about emotional healing.

I keep struggling with my many interests. There are so many things I like to read and want to write. I want to do everything and do it well! I am hungry to experience everything, which means I'll feel free to write poetry instead of blaming myself for not working on my two novels.

Freedom.

Are You a Writer?

I received a call today from someone looking for an editor for her husband's 500-page manuscript. (I do freelance editing and proofreading.) She wanted to know about pricing and what I had to offer beyond spell-checking and grammar correction.

As we were speaking, she began asking questions about my own background. "Are you a writer?", she asked. I was pleased to say yes, that I am working on a novel and have other story ideas in the works as well. We chatted about my writers' group and she wanted some information about submitting the finished work to a publisher; I said I knew of some resources and would be glad to work with her.

When I got off the phone, I felt recharged. Before this woman called, I had been watching a DVD of a television show that has become very important to me, but I had also been hiding from my writing. So much of this writing (or procrastinating about writing) is about fearing my own healing process. I AM A WRITER! I have stories to write and issues to work out by writing.

I am going to begin using the two hours in the evenings between when I get home and my husband gets home to work on my writing. This is a commitment to myself. I am ready.