The Journey Begins, or, A Decision is Made

Lately, I have been doing some real soul-searching about my purpose in life. I recently completed my masters in English Literature and have been pondering pursuing a MLS (Master of Library Science) degree. My whole life, I have loved to read and have wanted to be involved with books in some way. I definitely want to pursue the MLS, but now's not the time.

Here's some backstory: When I was growing up, my favorite book was a flip book of Little Women and Little Men. I would read LW, flip the book over to read LM, and then flip it again and start over. I can't tell you how many times I flipped that book! I loved it so much because of Jo.

Jo was a strong woman with a barely-controlled temper. She had a great family and good friends, but what I liked best about Jo was that she was a writer. In one of the book's most touching scenes, her spoiled little sister Amy burns Jo's manuscripts, and I ached for her loss.

I didn't want just to read about Jo; I wanted to be Jo. Jo grew up and ran a boarding school; I had already decided I wanted to teach elementary school. Still, she never forgot she was a writer and neither did I.

I remember my worst--and last--reading of Little Women. I had just gotten married and my first year of teaching elementary school had been such a disaster that I had quit teaching forever. I picked up LW as a comfort read, but it was no comfort at all. Instead of seeing myself as Jo, the writer and teacher, I realized my life had come perilously close to that of Jo's older sister Meg. Meg was a married woman with a cute little house and cute little kids whose main concerns were her laundry and what to cook for dinner. My life was starting to turn in that direction, but that was NOT the woman I wanted to be. I felt like a dream had died and could never bring myself to read that book again.

Fast-forward almost ten years. I have worked several jobs since then, none as rewarding as teaching could have been (even though I have never regretted leaving it for a second), and I'm feeling lost and stuck and very, very confused. My husband was encouraging me to apply for the MLS, but I just wasn't feeling it.

Instead, I decided to write a book. It doesn't have to be good or ever get published, but I don't think I can live the rest of my life without doing it. I told my husband I wanted to postpone the MLS for another year and pursue my writing. He was wonderful and supportive (as always), and I felt as if a huge burden had been lifted.

I'm really going to do it!